something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
