so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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