Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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