So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
