you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
