I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
