that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
