i think my mom watched the whole time
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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