Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
