I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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