Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
