Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
