Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
