Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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