oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
