Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
