omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
