omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
