the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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