I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
