Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
