i dont even know how to be here
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
