She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
