that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
