the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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