"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
