At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
