You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize