First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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