this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
