when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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