yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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