Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
