Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
