Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
