I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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