I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
