also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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