I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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