I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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