Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
