it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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