When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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