it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
