There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
