the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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