we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
