she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
