butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
