I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
