we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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