There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
