Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
