paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
