I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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